In a groundbreaking summit held in the plush confines of a giant inflatable unicorn, world leaders unanimously agreed that no significant action can be taken on global issues until someone tweets about it. The summit, dubbed the “Tweet-a-thon of Global Importance,” was attended by leaders from over 50 countries, including the President of the United States, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and the Supreme Leader of the Moon (nah, we just made that up).
“Play dumb for money”, says Joe Biden
“Let’s face it,” said President Biden of the United States, adjusting his oversized sunglasses. “If it’s not trending, it’s not happening. C’mon man, I can’t even get my dog to sit until I post a video of him on”, gasping, “TikTok. Why should world issues be any different?”
The summit kicked off with a rousing rendition of “Tweet, Tweet, Hooray!” led by the Prime Minister of the UK, who was later seen trying to explain the concept of “likes” to a confused penguin. “We’ve reached a point where hashtags are more powerful than treaties,” he declared, while simultaneously tweeting about the importance of tea breaks in international diplomacy.
The leaders then moved on to a panel discussion titled “#GlobalWarming: Is It Just a Trend?” where they debated whether climate change could be solved with a viral meme. “I propose we create a meme of a polar bear wearing sunglasses on a beach,” suggested Chancellor Scholz of Germany. “If it gets enough retweets, we can finally convince people to stop using plastic straws!”
In a shocking twist, the leaders decided to appoint a “Chief Tweet Officer” for each country, responsible for crafting the perfect tweet to address pressing issues. “I’m excited to announce that I’ll be the Chief Tweet Officer for France,” said President Macron, who immediately tweeted, “Let them eat cake! #GlobalHunger.” The tweet received 1.2 million likes, but no one was quite sure what it meant.
As the summit progressed, leaders began to realize that their tweets were not only ineffective but also led to some bizarre consequences. “I tweeted aboot world peace, and now I’m being followed by a cat in a sombrero,” lamented Prime Minister Trudeau of Canada. “I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or if I need to reevaluate my life choices.”
The event concluded with a group selfie, which was promptly posted with the caption, “World leaders unite! #NothingGetsDone.” The photo quickly went viral, garnering more attention than any actual policy change ever could.
In a final statement, President Biden declared, “From now on, we’ll only take action if it gets at least 10,000 retweets. Until then, let’s just keep tweeting about it. After all, who needs real solutions when you have social media?”
As the inflatable unicorn deflated and the leaders dispersed, one thing was clear: the world may be in chaos, but at least it’s trending.
