**Woody Harrelson and Bill Maher’s Cannabis Store Targeted in Overnight Burglary: Stoners Left in Shock!**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the cannabis community reeling, Woody Harrelson and Bill Maher’s newly opened cannabis store, “High Times Two,” was burglarized overnight. The thieves, who reportedly left behind a trail of nacho cheese and empty soda cans, made off with an estimated $50,000 worth of premium weed, edibles, and a life-sized cardboard cutout of Snoop Dogg.
Witnesses claim the burglars were last seen riding away on scooters, which they had apparently stolen from a nearby yoga studio. “I thought it was just a bunch of stoned kids trying to get to a midnight munchie run,” said local resident and self-proclaimed cannabis connoisseur, “Baked” Brad. “But then I realized they were actually stealing the good stuff!”
Woody Harrelson, who was reportedly in the store at the time of the heist, said, “I thought it was just a really intense promotional event. I mean, who wouldn’t want to steal from a place that smells like a 1970s rock concert?” Bill Maher added, “I guess they really took ‘high’ culture to a whole new level. I just hope they don’t try to sell it on the black market. That’s my job!”
Local authorities are investigating the incident, but so far, all they’ve managed to uncover is a half-eaten bag of gummy bears and a suspiciously high number of “420” stickers. “We’re following all leads,” said Officer Mary Jane, who was last seen giggling uncontrollably at a nearby coffee shop. “But honestly, we’re just trying to figure out how to get our hands on some of that sweet, sweet merchandise.”
As the investigation continues, Harrelson and Maher have vowed to increase security at their store. “We’re thinking about hiring a bouncer,” Maher quipped. “Someone who can tell the difference between a thief and a really enthusiastic customer.”
In the meantime, the duo is offering a “Get High, Not Stolen” discount for all customers who can prove they were not involved in the burglary. “We just want to spread the love,” Harrelson said, “and maybe a little bit of the weed too.”
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story, and remember: if you see a suspiciously giggly person on a scooter, it might just be your next-door neighbor trying to score some free weed!
