**Woman Stabs 18 at Hamburg Train Station; Homicide Squad Launches Investigation**
In a shocking turn of events that has left Hamburg reeling, a woman reportedly stabbed 18 people at the local train station, prompting the Homicide Squad to launch an investigation. Witnesses say the woman, identified as “Sally the Slicer,” was armed with a kitchen knife and a questionable sense of humor.
“I thought she was just trying to cut the line for the train,” said local commuter Hans Gruber, who narrowly escaped with only a minor scratch from a rogue potato peeler. “But then she started yelling, ‘Who wants to be my next meal?’ and I realized this was no ordinary culinary enthusiast.”
Authorities are baffled by the incident, with one investigator, Detective Frank Furter, stating, “We’ve seen a lot of things in our time, but this is the first time someone has tried to turn a train station into a cooking show. We’re still trying to figure out if she was aiming for a Michelin star or just really bad at making friends.”
Eyewitness reports suggest that Sally was attempting to demonstrate her “new recipe for chaos,” which she claimed was inspired by her favorite cooking show, “Chopped.” “I just wanted to spice things up a bit!” she allegedly shouted while brandishing her weapon. “Who knew people would take it so seriously?”
As the investigation unfolds, local authorities are urging citizens to stay vigilant and avoid any suspicious-looking food trucks. “If it looks like a food truck and smells like a food truck, it might just be a front for a culinary crime scene,” warned Officer Basil Oregano.
In the meantime, Hamburg residents are left wondering if they should be more concerned about their safety or their dinner plans. One local, who wished to remain anonymous, quipped, “I guess I’ll just stick to takeout for a while. At least the only thing getting stabbed there is my wallet!”
Stay tuned for updates as the Homicide Squad continues to slice through the layers of this bizarre case.
