PASCAGOULA, MS – WLAZ 58, Lower Alabama and Mississippi’s beloved local TV affiliate, has grabbed national attention with a stunt that’s as baffling as it is reckless. The station’s recreation of WKRP’s infamous “Great Turkey Drop” Wednesday morning, which was supposed to be a lighthearted holiday segment, has instead left a trail of confusion, outrage, and some seriously questionable behavior in its wake.
WLAZ General Manager Hugh Janus circa 2020
General Manager Hugh Janus, who for some inexplicable reason is still employed at the station, piloted a Cessna 152 loaded with more than 100 bottles of Wild Turkey bourbon. What was intended to be a grand, comedic gesture over the sleepy towns of Pascagoula and Bayou la Batre, AL, turned into a disaster when the bottles of bourbon rained down onto the unsuspecting citizens below.
“Yeah, we were just trying to be festive,” Janus said in a statement, clearly unaware that his “festivities” might land him in federal prison. “I thought it would be a good way to celebrate Thanksgiving… with bourbon. I mean, it’s the holidays, right? It’s what people want.”
While Janus’s enthusiasm for holiday cheer is admirable (if misguided), the unintended consequence was less about turkey and more about “turkey-fueled chaos.” Authorities reported that approximately 19 minors were hit by flying bottles of bourbon.
“It was like a Black Friday sale… but with alcohol and screaming children,” one local resident told us, visibly shaking. “I thought I saw a squirrel going berserk run by with a bottle in his hand, but that might’ve just been a guy in a mask.”
Wild Turkey Bourbon
As law enforcement scrambled to contain the situation, Mississippi State Police, along with a rapid response from the Air National Guard, launched F-22 fighter jets to intercept the rogue Cessna. After a tense standoff and several barrel rolls, Janus was eventually forced to land in a field near the Alabama-Mississippi border, where he was promptly detained.
Jackson County Sheriff’s Deputy Marla L. Wobbles
“Frankly, we’re shocked that it got this far,” said Jackson County Sheriff’s Deputy Marla L. Wobbles, whose office has been investigating the event. “We’re just grateful he didn’t decide to drop live turkeys. That could have been… fowl.”
As of now, local authorities are considering whether to charge Janus with federal violations related to alcohol distribution to minors, or if this is just another “quirky mistake” for which Mississippi is now famous. However, one thing is for certain: someone is going to be sober this holiday season.
This incident, much like the station’s attempt at “comedy,” is expected to go down in history as a classic case of good intentions gone horribly wrong.
Stay tuned for more updates as we attempt to sort through the mess, though we’d recommend keeping your windows closed in case any more Wild Turkey comes your way.
