**Wildfire Near Tucson: Cody Fire Burns 1,300 Acres, Evacuations Underway—Local Residents Blame Overzealous BBQ Enthusiasts**
TUCSON, AZ—In a shocking turn of events, the Cody Fire has erupted near Tucson, burning a staggering 1,300 acres and prompting mass evacuations. Local residents are scrambling to pack their bags, while others are just scrambling to find their BBQ sauce.
“I was just trying to grill some burgers for the family,” said local BBQ aficionado Chuck “Flame Master” Johnson, who claims he was merely testing a new recipe for ‘Inferno Wings.’ “Next thing I know, I’m being told to evacuate. I didn’t even get to finish my potato salad!”
As the fire rages on, officials are urging residents to stay calm and avoid any unnecessary panic. “We’re doing everything we can to contain the fire,” said Fire Chief Blaze McFireface. “But honestly, if you see someone with a grill, just assume they’re the culprit and run the other way.”
Meanwhile, local resident Betty “I’m Not Leaving Without My Cats” Thompson has taken to social media to express her outrage. “I’m not evacuating! My cats have a strict ‘no fire’ policy, and I’m not about to break it for some flames!” she tweeted, while her cats, Fluffy and Mr. Whiskers, were seen plotting their escape route.
In a bizarre twist, conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed “Fire Whisperer” Larry “The Flame Tamer” Jenkins claims the fire is actually a government experiment gone wrong. “They’re trying to distract us from the real issues, like why my Wi-Fi is so slow,” he declared while wearing a tinfoil hat.
As the Cody Fire continues to blaze, local businesses are cashing in on the chaos. “We’re offering a ‘Fire Sale’ on all BBQ equipment!” shouted the owner of Smokey’s Grill Emporium. “Come get your grills before they’re all melted!”
In the meantime, residents are advised to stay tuned for updates, and to keep their BBQ sauce close—because you never know when you might need to grill under pressure.
