**WHO Warns of Rising COVID-19 Cases Due to New Variant: Experts Recommend Hiding Under Your Bed**
In a shocking announcement that has left the world both amused and mildly concerned, the World Health Organization (WHO) has warned of a new COVID-19 variant, dubbed “Omicron-Delta-Plus-Extra-Crispy.” Experts say this variant is so contagious that it could spread through Wi-Fi signals, making your Zoom calls the new epicenter of viral outbreaks.
Dr. Ima Quack, a leading epidemiologist at the Institute of Totally Real Science, stated, “This variant is like that one friend who shows up uninvited to every party. You think you’ve seen the last of them, but then they pop up again, wearing a different outfit and a new name.”
In response to the rising cases, WHO has recommended that everyone immediately stock up on toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and a lifetime supply of frozen pizza. “You can never be too prepared,” said Dr. Quack, while simultaneously hoarding all the pizza in the vicinity. “If we’re going to be stuck at home again, we might as well enjoy it!”
Meanwhile, local conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed “COVID-19 Survivor,” Bob “The Masked Avenger” Johnson, has taken to social media to warn that the new variant is actually a government plot to distract us from the real issue: the shortage of left-handed coffee mugs. “They want us to panic about a virus while they sneak in the real crisis!” he exclaimed, while wearing a tinfoil hat and sipping from a right-handed mug.
As the world braces for another round of lockdowns, experts suggest that the best course of action is to invest in a good pair of sweatpants and binge-watch every show on Netflix. “If we’re going to be stuck at home, we might as well do it in style,” said Dr. Quack, who is currently working on a new line of fashionable loungewear called “Pandemic Chic.”
So, as we prepare for the impending wave of Omicron-Delta-Plus-Extra-Crispy, remember: stay safe, stay silly, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t forget to stock up on pizza!
