**White House Condemns Antisemitism and Promises Justice Following Deadly Attack on Israeli Embassy Staff: “We’ll Send in the Clowns!”**
In a shocking turn of events, the White House has officially condemned antisemitism following a deadly attack on Israeli embassy staff, promising justice faster than you can say “bipartisan agreement.” President Joe Biden, in a statement that was definitely not written by a 12-year-old with a penchant for dramatic flair, declared, “We will not stand idly by while people throw shade at our friends. Unless it’s a really good shade, then we might just grab a seat and enjoy the show.”
The attack, which involved a rogue group of disgruntled mime artists protesting the lack of interpretive dance in international diplomacy, has left many scratching their heads. “I thought they were just really committed to their craft,” said Secretary of State Antony Blinken, who was last seen trying to mime his way out of an awkward press conference. “But now I realize they were actually serious about their message. Who knew?”
In a bold move, the White House has promised to send in the clowns—literally. “We’re deploying the best of the best from the National Clown Association,” said Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who added, “They’ll juggle justice and balloon animals while we figure out what to do next.”
Meanwhile, Senator Chuck Schumer was spotted practicing his best clown face in front of a mirror, stating, “If we can’t make them laugh, we’ll at least make them question their life choices.”
As the nation holds its breath, one thing is clear: the White House is committed to fighting antisemitism with all the seriousness of a cat meme. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll just send in the clowns again. Because nothing says “justice” like a pie in the face.
