**Watchdog Reports No Evidence Biden Knew of Key Climate EOs, Seeks Clarity on Autopen Signatures**
In a shocking revelation that has left the nation scratching its collective head, a watchdog group has reported that there is no evidence President Joe Biden was aware of his own climate executive orders. This has led to a flurry of speculation about whether the President is actually running the country or just playing an elaborate game of “Guess Who?” with his staff.
The report, released by the Bureau of Unbelievable Findings (BUF), claims that Biden may have been too busy perfecting his ice cream cone technique to notice the climate initiatives being signed in his name. “I mean, who wouldn’t get distracted by a double scoop of mint chocolate chip?” said BUF spokesperson, Chuck “The Climate Whisperer” McFlurry. “We’re just trying to figure out if he’s signing these things or if it’s just his autopen having a midlife crisis.”
In a bizarre twist, the report also raised questions about the authenticity of Biden’s autopen signatures. “We’re not saying the autopen is a rogue agent, but it did recently start a TikTok account and is posting dance videos,” said McFlurry. “We’re concerned it might be more interested in going viral than saving the planet.”
Meanwhile, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre addressed the situation with her usual flair. “Look, we all know Joe loves his ice cream, but he also loves the planet. It’s like a love triangle, but with less drama and more carbon emissions,” she quipped, while dodging questions about whether the autopen has been attending climate summits in Biden’s absence.
As the nation waits for clarity on whether Biden is actually aware of his own policies or if he’s just a puppet being controlled by a rogue autopen, one thing is clear: the climate crisis is no laughing matter, but the way we’re handling it sure is. Stay tuned for updates, or as the autopen might say, “Stay tuned for updates… or don’t. I’m just here for the likes.”
