**Washington State School District Upholds Policy Excluding Biological Males from Girls’ Sports Amid State Opposition: A Hilarious Game of Tug-of-War**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the state of Washington in a state of confusion (and possibly a state of denial), the Evergreen School District has decided to uphold its policy excluding biological males from girls’ sports. This decision has sparked a statewide debate that has all the subtlety of a marching band in a library.
Superintendent Chuck “The Ref” Thompson stated, “We believe in fair play. And by fair play, I mean letting the girls have their chance to shine without having to compete against someone who can bench press a small car.” Thompson went on to clarify that the district’s motto is “No Boys Allowed—Except for the Ones Who Bring Snacks.”
Meanwhile, local resident and self-proclaimed sports expert, Linda “The Whistle” Johnson, expressed her outrage: “This is an attack on inclusivity! I mean, what’s next? Are we going to ban boys from playing hopscotch? That’s just un-American!” Johnson then proceeded to demonstrate her own hopscotch skills, which were, let’s say, less than Olympic-worthy.
In a bizarre twist, the district has proposed a new sport: “Extreme Gender Tug-of-War,” where teams of girls and boys compete to pull each other across a line while debating the merits of gender inclusivity. “It’s like a political rally, but with more mud and fewer facts,” said local coach and part-time philosopher, Dave “The Tugger” McGee.
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Washington State is ready to take sports to a whole new level of absurdity. So grab your popcorn, folks! This is one game you won’t want to miss.
