**Virginia Elite High School’s Admissions Policy Faces Trump Administration Scrutiny Over Discrimination Claims: “We Only Accept the Best of the Best!”**
In a shocking turn of events, Virginia Elite High School (VEHS), known for its rigorous academic standards and a cafeteria that serves only organic kale, is under fire from the Trump administration for allegedly discriminating against students who can’t recite the periodic table backward while juggling.
The controversy erupted when a whistleblower, who wishes to remain anonymous but goes by the name “Muffin McFluffin,” claimed that VEHS was rejecting applicants based on their inability to name all 50 states in under 30 seconds. “It’s a travesty!” McFluffin exclaimed, “I mean, who doesn’t know that Alaska is the biggest state? It’s practically common knowledge!”
In response, the school’s headmaster, Dr. Chester P. Quack, defended the admissions policy, stating, “We only accept the best of the best! If you can’t solve a Rubik’s Cube while reciting Shakespeare, are you really ready for the rigors of high school?”
Meanwhile, former President Trump weighed in on the matter, tweeting, “Sad! Virginia Elite High School is discriminating against future leaders! I could have gotten in, but they said I was too ‘creative’ with my answers. #MakeHighSchoolGreatAgain.”
Critics argue that the admissions process is elitist, with one parent, Mrs. Tilly Tofu, lamenting, “My son can’t even spell ‘Ivy League,’ and they expect him to know the capital of every country? He barely knows the capital of his own bedroom!”
As the scrutiny continues, VEHS has announced plans to introduce a new admissions test that includes a TikTok dance challenge and a mandatory “How to Make a Perfect Avocado Toast” seminar. “We’re just trying to prepare our students for the real world,” Dr. Quack added, “and the real world is all about social media and brunch!”
Stay tuned as this story develops, and remember: if you can’t handle the kale, you can’t handle the high school!
