**Veteran House Democrat Faces Primary Challenge Focused on Age Concerns: “I’m Not Old, I’m Just Vintage!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and local bingo halls buzzing, veteran House Democrat Gerald “Geriatric” Thompson is facing a primary challenge from a sprightly 22-year-old TikTok influencer named Chloe “The Youth” Johnson. The campaign slogan? “Let’s Get Geriatric Out of Here!”
Thompson, who has been in office longer than most of his constituents have been alive, responded to the challenge with a defiant, “I’m not old, I’m just vintage! Like a fine wine or a classic rock band that still tours.” His campaign manager, a 90-year-old former congressman named Bob “Still Got It” McGee, added, “Age is just a number, and in my case, it’s a really big one!”
Chloe Johnson, on the other hand, is running on a platform of “youthful exuberance” and “not knowing what the heck a rotary phone is.” In her first campaign video, she declared, “I’m here to bring fresh ideas, like free avocado toast for everyone and mandatory TikTok dance breaks during congressional sessions!”
Political pundit and self-proclaimed “age expert” Dr. Morty McOldface weighed in, stating, “Thompson’s age is a concern. I mean, he still thinks ‘streaming’ is something you do with a fishing rod!”
As the primary approaches, Thompson has taken to social media, posting selfies with hashtags like #StillGotIt and #OldButGold. Meanwhile, Johnson has been busy creating viral dance challenges to raise awareness about her campaign, much to the confusion of the older generation.
In a final bid to win over younger voters, Thompson has promised to learn how to use TikTok, stating, “I’ll even do the Renegade dance if it means keeping my seat!”
As the battle of the ages heats up, one thing is clear: whether it’s the wisdom of experience or the energy of youth, this election is bound to be a real knee-slapper. Stay tuned for more updates as we follow this epic showdown between the vintage and the viral!
