**US Reinstates International Student Records, But for Some, It’s Too Late: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left many scratching their heads and others scratching their passports, the U.S. government has decided to reinstate international student records. This decision comes just in time for the fall semester, but for some students, it’s a classic case of “too little, too late.”
“I was just about to start my new career as a professional barista in a coffee shop that serves only organic, gluten-free, vegan lattes,” lamented 22-year-old international student, Juan “I’m Not a Spy” Rodriguez. “Now, I have to go back to my home country of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ and explain to my parents why I’m not a doctor yet.”
Meanwhile, 19-year-old Mei “I Just Wanted to Study” Wong was seen frantically trying to convince her cat, Mr. Whiskers, to apply for a student visa. “He’s got the grades, and he’s definitely more qualified than half the people I’ve met in my classes,” she said, while Mr. Whiskers stared blankly, probably contemplating his next nap.
The reinstatement of records has also sparked a wave of confusion among universities. “We thought we were just supposed to keep the records of students who actually showed up,” said Dr. Phil McCracken, head of the Department of Confusion at the University of Somewhere. “Turns out, we were supposed to keep track of the ones who didn’t show up too. Who knew?”
In a bizarre twist, the government has also announced that they will be offering a “Lost and Found” program for students who have already given up hope. “If you’ve lost your student status, just send us a postcard from your home country, and we’ll send you a sticker that says ‘I Tried!’” said Secretary of Education, Betsy “I’m Not a Robot” Johnson.
As the dust settles on this bureaucratic blunder, one thing is clear: for some international students, the dream of studying in the U.S. has turned into a comedy of errors that even Shakespeare would have found amusing. So, if you’re an international student reading this, remember: always keep your records in a safe place—preferably not in the hands of the U.S. government.
