**US Officials Postponed Public Alert on COVID Vaccine Heart Inflammation Risk: Report**
In a shocking twist that has left the nation scratching its collective head, US officials have decided to postpone a public alert regarding the COVID vaccine’s potential heart inflammation risk. Sources say the decision was made after a heated debate over whether the announcement should be made via a TikTok dance or a PowerPoint presentation featuring cats.
“Honestly, we thought about just sending out a mass text with a GIF of a heart doing the Macarena,” said Dr. Phil McCracken, a spokesperson for the CDC. “But then we realized that might be too much fun for a serious health warning.”
The delay has sparked outrage among some citizens, while others are just confused. “I thought we were supposed to be getting alerts about heart inflammation, not a new flavor of ice cream,” said local resident Betty Bumpkin. “I mean, if they can’t even decide how to tell us, how can we trust them with our health?”
In a bizarre twist, officials reportedly considered using a series of interpretive dance performances to convey the risks. “We were going to call it ‘The Heartbreak Chronicles,’” said dance coordinator and part-time magician, Larry “The Heartthrob” Thompson. “But then we realized that nobody wants to see a bunch of bureaucrats in spandex.”
Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists have taken to social media, claiming that the delay is part of a larger plot to distract the public from the real issue: the impending shortage of avocado toast. “They’re just trying to keep us from focusing on the important stuff,” said self-proclaimed avocado expert, Guac O’Licious. “Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that kale is actually a government experiment!”
As the nation waits for the official announcement, one thing is clear: whether it’s heart inflammation or heartwarming TikTok dances, the public is ready for a good laugh—preferably one that doesn’t involve spandex.
