**US Mint Advances Plan to Eliminate the Penny: Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief, and Some Confusion**
In a groundbreaking move that has left the nation both relieved and slightly bewildered, the US Mint has officially announced its plan to eliminate the penny. Yes, you heard it right—those tiny copper coins that have been cluttering our pockets and couch cushions since the dawn of time are finally on their way out.
“Honestly, I thought the penny was already extinct,” said local man and self-proclaimed coin enthusiast, Chuck “The Coin Whisperer” McGee. “I haven’t seen one since I tried to pay for a soda with a handful of change in 2015. The cashier looked at me like I was trying to pay with a dinosaur bone.”
The decision comes after years of debate, with proponents arguing that the penny is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. “I mean, who even uses them anymore?” said Penny P. Nibbler, a self-identified penny collector from Omaha. “I tried to pay for my coffee with a roll of pennies last week, and the barista just laughed and said, ‘Nice try, but I’m not running a circus here.’”
In a shocking twist, the Mint has proposed a new currency system that would replace the penny with a “penny for your thoughts” program, where citizens can submit their most ridiculous ideas for a new coin. “I’m thinking of a coin shaped like a taco,” said Mint spokesperson, Linda “Coin-spiracy” Johnson. “It’s time we start investing in what really matters—food!”
As the nation prepares for a penny-free future, some are left wondering what to do with their vast collections of the little copper devils. “I’ve got a jar full of them,” said local hoarder and part-time magician, Dave “The Great Pennini” Thompson. “I guess I’ll just have to turn them into a magic trick. ‘Watch as I make my savings disappear!’”
So, as we bid farewell to the penny, let’s raise a toast—preferably with a nickel or a dime—and celebrate the end of an era. After all, who needs a penny when you can have a taco-shaped coin?
