**US Government Shifts Tactics: Employing Terrorism Charges Against Drug Cartels, Says Former FBI Official**
In a groundbreaking move that has left both drug lords and couch potatoes scratching their heads, the US government has decided to tackle drug cartels with the same fervor usually reserved for international terrorists. Former FBI official, Chuck “The Mustache” McGillicuddy, announced this revolutionary strategy at a press conference held in a taco truck parking lot, claiming, “If we can label them terrorists, we can finally get the funding for that taco truck surveillance program I’ve been dreaming about!”
The new tactic involves slapping terrorism charges on notorious drug cartels, which McGillicuddy insists will “really spice things up.” He added, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to see El Chapo’s face on a Most Wanted poster next to Osama bin Laden? It’s like a buddy cop movie waiting to happen!”
In a bizarre twist, the government has also proposed a new reality show titled “Cartel Wars: The Ultimate Showdown,” where drug lords compete in challenges like “Who Can Smuggle the Most Avocados?” and “Best Narco-Theme Party.” Contestants will be judged by a panel of former reality TV stars, including Snooki and the ghost of Bob Ross.
Meanwhile, drug cartels are reportedly unfazed by the new charges. “Terrorism? Please,” said a spokesperson for the infamous Los Tacos Cartel, who goes by the name of Juan “The Salsa” Rodriguez. “We’ve been terrorizing taste buds for years! If anything, we deserve a Michelin star!”
As the government prepares to roll out this new strategy, citizens are left wondering if they should be more afraid of drug lords or the possibility of a taco shortage. One thing is for sure: if this plan fails, we can always count on the cartels to keep our nachos well-stocked.
