**Understanding Shavuot: The Jewish Festival Following the Boulder Attack**
In a world where chaos reigns supreme, it’s comforting to know that some traditions remain steadfast—like Shavuot, the Jewish festival that celebrates the giving of the Torah, and this year, coincidentally, follows the infamous Boulder Attack. Yes, folks, while some were dodging boulders, others were dodging dairy-induced comas as they prepared for the holiday.
“Honestly, I thought the Boulder Attack was just a really bad Yelp review for a new rock climbing gym,” said local rabbi and part-time stand-up comedian, Rabbi Shlomo “Boulder” Goldstein. “But then I realized it was just a metaphor for life: sometimes you get hit by a boulder, and sometimes you just get hit by a really bad kugel.”
As families gathered to celebrate Shavuot, the air was thick with the aroma of cheesecake and the sound of people trying to explain why they didn’t bring any. “I thought it was a potluck!” exclaimed Miriam Schwartz, who showed up with nothing but a half-eaten bag of potato chips. “I mean, who doesn’t love a good potato chip on Shavuot?”
Meanwhile, the Boulder Attack has become a new holiday tradition, with families now gathering to share their most ridiculous near-miss stories. “I was just trying to get to the synagogue when a boulder nearly crushed my dreams of a peaceful Shavuot,” said David “The Dodger” Cohen. “But hey, at least I got a great story for the Seder next year!”
As the festival unfolded, it became clear that the true spirit of Shavuot lies not just in the giving of the Torah, but in the ability to laugh in the face of adversity—preferably while eating a slice of cheesecake. “If life gives you boulders, make boulder-berry pie!” quipped local comedian and aspiring pastry chef, Sarah “The Cheesecake Queen” Levinson.
So, as we celebrate Shavuot this year, let’s remember: whether you’re dodging boulders or just dodging your aunt’s kugel recipe, there’s always a reason to laugh—and maybe even a reason to eat a little more cheesecake. After all, in the words of Rabbi Goldstein, “Life is like a cheesecake: it’s best enjoyed with a side of humor and a whole lot of whipped cream.”
