**UK Government Exits Banking Sector by Selling Remaining NatWest Shares: “We’re Just Not That Into You”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left economists scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists convinced of a secret lizard agenda, the UK government has officially exited the banking sector by selling its remaining shares in NatWest. The decision, announced during a press conference that was mostly about the Prime Minister’s new haircut, has been met with mixed reactions, including a collective shrug from the general public.
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Jeremy “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Hunt, stated, “We realized that banking just isn’t our thing. It’s like trying to date someone who only talks about their cat. We’re just not that into you, NatWest.” When pressed for further comments, Hunt added, “Besides, I’ve got a great deal on a used trampoline I need to invest in.”
Meanwhile, the government’s decision has left NatWest executives in a state of disbelief. CEO Alison Rose was reportedly seen wandering the halls of the bank muttering, “But we were just getting to know each other!” before being escorted out by security.
In a bizarre twist, the shares were sold to a group of hedge fund managers who were last seen at a karaoke bar belting out “I Will Survive.” One of the fund managers, who wished to remain anonymous but insisted on being called “The Financial Wizard,” exclaimed, “This is the best investment since I bought a lifetime supply of avocado toast!”
As the UK government waves goodbye to its banking days, experts predict that the next logical step will be to sell off the Royal Family’s collection of Beanie Babies. “It’s a classic case of ‘if you can’t beat them, sell them,’” said Dr. Penny Wise, a financial analyst and part-time magician.
In the end, the government’s exit from banking has left many wondering: what’s next? Perhaps a foray into the world of artisanal cheese-making? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: the UK government is officially out of the banking game, and they’re taking their ball home—preferably one that’s inflatable and comes with a built-in snack holder.
