**U.S. Economy Declines 0.2% in Q1 Amid Trump Trade War Impact: Experts Blame Everything from Avocado Toast to Alien Invasions**
In a shocking turn of events, the U.S. economy has officially declined by 0.2% in the first quarter of the year, prompting economists to scramble for explanations that are as plausible as they are entertaining. While some experts point to the ongoing Trump trade war, others are convinced that the real culprit is the nation’s obsession with avocado toast.
“I mean, have you seen the price of avocados lately?” said Dr. Barry Bananapants, a leading economist and part-time fruit enthusiast. “At this rate, millennials will have to choose between buying a house or a single slice of guacamole. It’s a crisis!”
Meanwhile, President Trump took to Twitter to express his thoughts on the matter, tweeting, “The economy is doing GREAT! Just ask my friend Bob, who runs a lemonade stand. He’s thriving! #LemonadeWar.”
In a bizarre twist, local conspiracy theorist and self-proclaimed “Economic Guru,” Larry “The Lizard” Lizardson, suggested that the decline is actually due to an impending alien invasion. “They’re coming for our jobs, our avocado toast, and our freedom to trade with Canada!” he exclaimed while wearing a tinfoil hat. “I’ve seen the signs!”
As the nation grapples with this economic downturn, experts are urging everyone to remain calm and avoid panic-buying avocados. “We can’t let this decline turn into a full-blown guacamole crisis,” warned Dr. Bananapants. “If we do, we might as well start trading in bananas!”
In the meantime, the stock market is reportedly in a state of confusion, oscillating between “panic” and “what’s an avocado?” as investors try to figure out if they should be buying stocks or just hoarding avocados in their basements.
So, as we navigate this economic rollercoaster, remember: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And when life gives you avocados, well, just hope they don’t cost your entire paycheck!
