**Tulsa Mayor Unveils $100 Million Reparations Initiative for 1921 Race Massacre Descendants: A Comedy of Errors**
In a groundbreaking move that has left the nation both laughing and scratching their heads, Tulsa Mayor G. W. “What’s the Big Deal?” Johnson announced a $100 million reparations initiative for the descendants of the 1921 Race Massacre. The plan, dubbed “Operation: Let’s Make It Rain (But Not Too Much),” aims to sprinkle cash like confetti on those affected by the historical tragedy—because nothing says “sorry” like a check with a lot of zeros.
“Look, we can’t change the past, but we can definitely throw money at it,” Mayor Johnson said at a press conference, flanked by a giant inflatable dollar sign. “I mean, who doesn’t love a good cash grab? I mean, uh, cash gift!”
The initiative includes a variety of creative reparations options, such as “Tulsa Time” vouchers for free barbecue and a lifetime supply of “I Survived the 1921 Race Massacre” T-shirts. Local resident and self-proclaimed historian, Betty “I Wasn’t Even Born Yet” Thompson, expressed her excitement: “I can’t wait to get my hands on that T-shirt! It’ll go great with my collection of ‘I Survived 2020’ gear.”
However, not everyone is thrilled. Local conspiracy theorist and part-time magician, “Mystical” Mike, believes the initiative is a cover-up for a secret alien invasion. “They’re just trying to distract us with money while the little green men take over!” he exclaimed, pulling a rabbit out of a hat that suspiciously looked like a dollar bill.
In a surprising twist, the mayor also announced that the reparations would be distributed in the form of “Tulsa Bucks,” a currency that can only be spent at local businesses, which coincidentally are all owned by his cousin, Larry “I’m Not Related” Johnson.
As the city gears up for this unprecedented initiative, one thing is clear: Tulsa is ready to turn its tragic past into a comedic future—one dollar at a time.
