**Trump to Deliver Commencement Speech at West Point Graduation: “I Know More About Military Than Anyone”**
In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and mildly amused, former President Donald Trump has been announced as the keynote speaker for this year’s West Point graduation ceremony. Sources say the decision was made after a rigorous selection process that involved a game of rock-paper-scissors and a very persuasive PowerPoint presentation titled “How to Win at Everything.”
“I’m thrilled to be speaking at West Point,” Trump declared in a statement that was definitely not written by someone else. “I know more about the military than anyone. I’ve seen all the movies—‘Top Gun,’ ‘Saving Private Ryan,’ you name it. I even have a great relationship with the generals. They love me. They really do.”
Attendees are already buzzing with excitement, particularly after Trump promised to share his “secret strategy” for winning wars, which he claims involves “tweeting at the enemy until they give up.” Cadet Sarah McGuffin, who is set to graduate, expressed her enthusiasm: “I can’t wait to hear his thoughts on military tactics. I mean, who wouldn’t want to learn about strategy from a guy who once suggested using nuclear weapons to stop hurricanes?”
In a surprising twist, Trump has also announced that he will be handing out “Make Graduation Great Again” hats to all graduates, which he insists are “the best hats, believe me.” The hats will feature a new slogan: “I graduated, and all I got was this lousy hat and a speech about how to build a wall around my future.”
As the date approaches, West Point officials are reportedly preparing for the event by stockpiling extra security and a large supply of “emergency eye-rolls.” One official, who wished to remain anonymous, quipped, “We’re just hoping he doesn’t try to take the stage with a golf club. That could get messy.”
As the cadets prepare to march into their futures, one thing is for sure: this graduation will be one for the history books—or at least the history of awkward moments.
