**Trump Separates from Russia-Ukraine Conflict: ‘Not Our People, Not Our Soldiers’**
In a stunning turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rolling in the aisles, former President Donald Trump has officially declared his separation from the Russia-Ukraine conflict. “Not our people, not our soldiers,” he proclaimed during a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable duck, which he insisted was a “symbol of peace.”
Trump, sporting a new hairstyle that can only be described as “the windblown eagle,” went on to explain his reasoning. “Look, folks, I love Ukraine. I love Russia. I love the whole world! But let’s be honest, I can’t even get my own golf game straight. Why would I want to get involved in a war? I mean, have you seen my golf swing? It’s a national treasure!”
In a bizarre twist, Trump also suggested that the U.S. should send “really nice letters” to both sides, signed with a gold Sharpie. “Letters are the future of diplomacy,” he declared, as aides scrambled to find a pen that wasn’t out of ink.
Meanwhile, in a shocking display of unity, Russian President Vladimir Putin and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy were spotted sharing a plate of borscht at a local diner, reportedly discussing their mutual love for reality TV. “We both agree that ‘The Real Housewives of Kyiv’ is a masterpiece,” Zelenskyy quipped, while Putin nodded vigorously, adding, “And the drama is more real than my last five elections!”
As the world watches in bemusement, Trump’s supporters are rallying behind his new slogan: “Make Conflicts Great Again!” One enthusiastic fan, who identified himself as “Bubba from Alabama,” stated, “I don’t know much about foreign policy, but I do know that if it ain’t on my TV, it ain’t my problem!”
As the situation unfolds, one thing is clear: when it comes to international relations, Trump is determined to keep it as light as his favorite fast food order—extra crispy and completely unbothered.
