**Trump Orders Gutting of 7 Agencies, Including Voice of America’s Parent: “I Just Wanted to Make America Gutted Again!”**
In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands in glee, former President Donald Trump has announced his latest initiative: the gutting of seven federal agencies, including the parent organization of Voice of America. “I just wanted to make America gutted again!” Trump declared at a press conference held in a fast-food restaurant, where he was reportedly trying to negotiate a new burger deal.
Sources close to the former president say he was inspired by a particularly intense episode of “Chopped,” where contestants had to create gourmet meals from the most random ingredients. “I thought, why not apply that to government?” Trump mused. “Let’s take the most important agencies and turn them into a delightful stew of confusion!”
Among the agencies on the chopping block is the Broadcasting Board of Governors, which oversees Voice of America. “I mean, who needs a voice when you can just tweet?” Trump quipped, while simultaneously tweeting about how he’s the best at tweeting. “I’m basically the Voice of America now. And I’m also the Voice of the World, the Voice of the Universe, and the Voice of My Golf Course!”
Critics are concerned about the implications of such drastic cuts. “This is like trying to run a marathon with one leg,” said a bewildered government employee who wished to remain anonymous. “Except the marathon is on fire, and the leg is actually a giant inflatable flamingo.”
In response to the backlash, Trump has promised to replace the gutted agencies with something even better: “I’m thinking of a new agency called the Department of Awesome. We’ll just post memes and call it a day!”
As the nation holds its breath, one thing is clear: if there’s one thing Trump knows how to do, it’s keeping us all entertained—whether we like it or not.
