**Trump Labels Digital Equity Act as Racist and Moves to Abolish It: “It’s Just Not Fair to My Wi-Fi!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and meme creators rubbing their hands in glee, former President Donald Trump has officially labeled the Digital Equity Act as “the most racist thing since the last time I tried to order a taco.” The Digital Equity Act, which aims to provide equal access to technology and the internet for all Americans, has been met with fierce opposition from Trump, who claims it unfairly targets his beloved Wi-Fi.
“Why should my internet be slower just because some people don’t have it?” Trump exclaimed during a recent rally in a field of corn, where he was reportedly trying to connect to the Wi-Fi of a nearby farmer. “I mean, I have the best Wi-Fi. It’s tremendous. And now they want to make it equal? That’s just not fair!”
In a bizarre twist, Trump’s new campaign slogan has emerged: “Make Wi-Fi Great Again.” His supporters have taken to social media, posting pictures of their routers with the hashtag #RacismInTheRouter. “I just want my internet to be as fast as my tweets,” said local supporter and self-proclaimed tech expert, Billy “Bandwidth” Johnson. “If we start giving everyone equal access, who’s going to be left to complain about the buffering?”
In response to the Digital Equity Act, Trump has proposed a new initiative called “Operation: Wi-Fi for the Wealthy,” which aims to provide high-speed internet exclusively to those who can prove they own at least three luxury cars. “It’s only fair,” he stated, “because if you can afford a Bentley, you should be able to afford the best internet. It’s just common sense!”
As the nation watches this digital drama unfold, one thing is clear: when it comes to technology, Trump is determined to keep it as exclusive as his golf club memberships. And if that means labeling a bill aimed at equity as racist, well, that’s just part of the game. After all, who needs digital equity when you can have digital elitism?
