**Trump Greenlights FEMA Disaster Aid for Eight States: “I’m Just Trying to Make America Great Again, One Disaster at a Time!”**
In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands in glee, former President Donald Trump has officially greenlit FEMA disaster aid for eight states, declaring, “If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to throw money at a problem—just ask my ex-wives!”
The states receiving aid include Texas, Florida, and California, along with a few that even Google Maps had to double-check. “I thought we were sending aid to the states that needed it most,” said FEMA Administrator Brock “The Rock” Johnson. “But apparently, Trump thinks ‘disaster’ is just a synonym for ‘Tuesday.’”
In a press conference held at Mar-a-Lago, Trump explained his reasoning: “Look, folks, I’m just trying to make America great again, one disaster at a time! If we can’t have hurricanes, wildfires, and floods, how will I ever get my ratings back up?”
Local residents were thrilled, with one Texas rancher, Bubba “The Disaster Whisperer” Jenkins, stating, “I was worried about my cattle, but now I’m just excited to see what kind of aid we get. I hear FEMA’s got some great swag—like free tarps and those fancy MREs. I’m gonna throw a BBQ!”
Meanwhile, in Florida, Governor Ron DeSantis was seen practicing his best “thank you” face for the cameras. “I’m just glad we’re getting some of that sweet, sweet federal cash,” he said. “I mean, who doesn’t love a good disaster? It’s like a surprise party, but with more flooding!”
As the aid rolls in, one thing is clear: when it comes to disaster relief, Trump is ready to turn every calamity into a cash cow. “I’m just doing my part,” he quipped. “After all, if you can’t laugh at a hurricane, what can you laugh at?”
Stay tuned for updates as we follow the money—and the disasters—because in America, it seems, the only thing more certain than taxes is that someone will always need a little help from FEMA.
