**Trump Claims Biden Disregarded Lax Border Security Policy, Hints at Autopen Involvement**
In a stunning revelation that has left political analysts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists rubbing their hands with glee, former President Donald Trump has accused President Joe Biden of completely ignoring his “lax border security policy.” In a press conference held at a local Denny’s, Trump claimed, “Biden is so busy trying to fix my policies that he forgot to even read them! It’s like trying to bake a cake without the recipe—just a big, gooey mess!”
But the plot thickens! Trump went on to suggest that an autopen—yes, that’s right, an autopen—might be involved in the signing of border security documents. “I mean, how else do you explain the chaos?” he quipped, gesturing wildly with a pancake. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Biden’s autopen is just a fancy name for his dog, Major. I’ve seen that pup sign more bills than Congress!”
In a bizarre twist, Trump claimed that he had “secret intel” from a “very reliable source” named Bob the Builder, who allegedly witnessed Biden’s autopen in action. “Bob said it was like watching a toddler with a crayon,” Trump added, chuckling. “Just scribbling all over the place!”
When asked for a response, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre simply stated, “We’re not sure what to say. We’re still trying to figure out how to respond to the last time he claimed we were using a magic eight ball for policy decisions.”
As the nation waits with bated breath for Biden’s next move—perhaps a press conference with Major the dog—one thing is clear: the border security debate is about to get a lot more… pawsitive.
