**Trump Backs Ciattarelli, Claims New Jersey is Poised to Escape Blue Nightmare**
In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and local pizza shop owners celebrating, former President Donald Trump has officially endorsed New Jersey gubernatorial candidate Jack Ciattarelli, declaring that the Garden State is on the verge of escaping its “blue nightmare.”
“New Jersey is like a bad episode of ‘The Sopranos’ that just won’t end,” Trump proclaimed at a rally held in a parking lot outside a Wawa. “But with Ciattarelli, we can finally change the channel! I mean, who wouldn’t want a governor who knows the difference between a pork roll and a Taylor ham?”
Ciattarelli, who has been described as “the guy who always brings the chips to the party but never the dip,” expressed his gratitude for Trump’s endorsement. “This is huge! I mean, I’ve been trying to convince my mother that I’m not just a ‘nice guy’ for years. Now I can tell her I’m endorsed by the former President! She’ll finally stop asking me when I’m going to settle down with a nice girl from Hoboken.”
Local resident and self-proclaimed political expert, Vinny “The Weasel” Mancini, weighed in on the endorsement. “If Trump thinks Ciattarelli can turn New Jersey red, he’s either got a great sense of humor or he’s been eating too many of those cheesesteaks from that place in Philly. But hey, if it means less traffic on the Turnpike, I’m all in!”
As the campaign heats up, Ciattarelli has promised to tackle pressing issues like high taxes, traffic jams, and the ongoing debate over whether it’s called “soda” or “pop.” “I’m here to make New Jersey great again,” he said, “and that starts with making sure everyone knows that ‘pork roll’ is the only acceptable term for that delicious breakfast meat!”
With Trump’s backing, Ciattarelli is poised to either become the next governor of New Jersey or at least secure a lifetime supply of bagels. Either way, one thing is for sure: the Garden State is in for a wild ride, and we’re all just here for the pizza and the drama.
