**Trump Announces Ceasefire Negotiations Between Russia and Ukraine Following Call with Putin: “I’m Like a Peace Wizard!”**
In a stunning turn of events that has left world leaders scratching their heads and checking their calendars, former President Donald Trump announced today that he has brokered a ceasefire between Russia and Ukraine after a “very, very special” phone call with Vladimir Putin. “It was the best call, folks. I’ve had a lot of calls, but this one? Tremendous,” Trump declared, while wearing a robe adorned with eagles and dollar signs.
Sources close to the former president revealed that the conversation began with Trump complimenting Putin’s “great hair” and quickly escalated into a discussion about the merits of golf courses in war zones. “I told him, ‘Vlad, you need to build a Trump International Golf Course in Ukraine. It’ll be a hole-in-one for peace!’” Trump exclaimed, gesturing wildly as if he were on stage at a rally.
Putin reportedly responded with a chuckle, “Only if I can have a vodka fountain at the 18th hole.” The two leaders then agreed to meet for a round of golf, where they will finalize the terms of the ceasefire over a friendly game of “who can hit the longest drive.”
Meanwhile, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy expressed cautious optimism. “If Trump can convince Putin to stop sending tanks, I’ll personally name a street after him. Maybe ‘Trump Boulevard’—it has a nice ring to it,” he said, while simultaneously Googling “how to build a golf course.”
As the world waits with bated breath for the outcome of this unprecedented diplomatic endeavor, Trump has already begun selling “Peace Wizard” merchandise on his website, complete with a wand that looks suspiciously like a golf club. “I’m not saying I’m a magician, but I do have a way of making problems disappear,” he quipped, before adding, “And if they don’t, I’ll just tweet about it until they do!”
In the meantime, experts are left wondering if this ceasefire will hold or if it’s just another episode of “The Apprentice: International Edition.” Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: if there’s a golf course involved, you can bet Trump will be there, swinging for peace—one drive at a time.
