**Trump Advocates for Non-Disruptive Foreign Students, Criticizes Harvard’s Elite Status**
In a stunning turn of events, former President Donald Trump has taken a bold stance on foreign students, declaring that only “non-disruptive” international scholars should be allowed into the United States. “We need students who can blend in, like a chameleon at a camouflage convention,” Trump proclaimed at a recent rally in his hometown of Mar-a-Lago, where he was flanked by a group of bewildered parrots that he insisted were “the best listeners.”
Trump’s comments came as he criticized Harvard University for its elite status, claiming that the Ivy League institution has become “too fancy.” “I mean, what’s with the name? Harvard sounds like a fancy cheese. I prefer ‘Harvard’s Cheddar’—it’s more relatable,” he quipped, as the crowd erupted in laughter, or perhaps confusion.
In a follow-up tweet, Trump suggested that foreign students should be required to take a “non-disruption test,” which he described as “a series of questions about how to avoid making waves.” He added, “If they can’t answer ‘What’s your favorite flavor of vanilla?’ without causing a scene, they’re out!”
Critics were quick to respond. “This is ridiculous,” said Dr. Mildred P. Snob, a Harvard professor of elitism. “What’s next? A test on how to wear khakis without looking like a tourist?”
Meanwhile, foreign students are reportedly preparing for the new “non-disruption” exam by practicing their best bland expressions and learning to nod politely while staring at their shoes. “I just want to study astrophysics, not become a human wallflower,” lamented international student and aspiring astrophysicist, Ravi “The Disruptor” Patel.
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Trump’s vision for a non-disruptive academic future is as clear as a foggy day in London—mysterious, confusing, and slightly damp.
