**Trump Administration to Assess Proposal for Seabed Mining Leases of Essential Minerals: A Deep Dive into the Deep Blue**
In a move that has left environmentalists and marine life alike gasping for air, the Trump Administration has announced it will assess proposals for seabed mining leases of essential minerals. Yes, you heard that right—while the rest of us are busy trying to figure out how to recycle our plastic straws, the government is gearing up to dig up the ocean floor like it’s a backyard treasure hunt.
“Why dig in the dirt when you can dig in the ocean?” said Secretary of the Interior, Pebbles Flintstone, who is reportedly a huge fan of both geology and cartoon dinosaurs. “We’re just trying to make America’s oceans great again—one shovel at a time!”
The proposal, which has been met with mixed reactions, includes plans to mine for essential minerals like cobalt, lithium, and that elusive “sparkly stuff” that makes your phone screen shine. “I’m not saying we’re going to find Atlantis, but if we do, I’m definitely taking a selfie,” said Donald Trump Jr., who is currently studying marine selfies at the University of Underwater Studies.
Critics of the plan have voiced concerns about the environmental impact, with one marine biologist, Dr. Coral Reef, stating, “Mining the seabed is like trying to clean your house by throwing everything out the window. It’s just not a good idea!”
In response, the administration has promised to conduct a thorough assessment, which will include a series of underwater focus groups featuring dolphins, mermaids, and one very confused octopus named Larry. “Larry is a great listener,” said White House spokesperson, Sandy Bottoms. “He’s got eight arms, so he can multitask!”
As the nation holds its breath (and not just because of the rising sea levels), one thing is clear: the Trump Administration is ready to make waves—literally. So grab your snorkels and prepare for a deep dive into the murky waters of seabed mining, where the only thing more questionable than the ethics is the fashion sense of the divers.
