**Trump Administration Ends Harvard’s Student Visa Program: A New Era of “Intellectual Freedom”**
In a move that has left the academic world reeling and the rest of us chuckling, the Trump Administration has officially ended Harvard’s student visa program, declaring it a “dangerous breeding ground for intellectual elitism.” In a press conference held in front of a giant inflatable “Make America Smart Again” balloon, President Trump stated, “We need to focus on real education, like how to build a wall or make a taco bowl. Who needs calculus when you can learn how to make America great again?”
The decision has sparked outrage among Harvard students, who were last seen frantically Googling “How to get a degree in TikTok.” One distraught student, who identified himself as “Chad McScholar,” lamented, “I came to Harvard to learn from the best, but now I guess I’ll just have to settle for YouTube tutorials. Thanks, Trump!”
Meanwhile, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos chimed in, saying, “This is a win for the average American. Why should we let foreign students take up space in our libraries when they could be taking up space in our fast-food restaurants instead?”
In a surprising twist, the administration has announced plans to replace the program with a new initiative called “American Learning for All,” which will focus on teaching students how to properly fold a flag and the correct way to pronounce “covfefe.”
As the dust settles, Harvard’s president, Lawrence Bacow, was spotted trying to convince a group of confused squirrels to enroll in a new “Squirrel Studies” program, claiming, “At least they know how to gather nuts for the winter!”
In the end, it seems the Trump Administration is determined to redefine education, one bizarre policy at a time. So, if you’re a Harvard student, don’t worry—there’s always community college. Just remember to bring your own taco bowl!
