**Tragic Incident at University of Wisconsin-Platteville: Two Students Found Dead in Suspected Murder-Suicide**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the University of Wisconsin-Platteville community reeling, two students were found dead in what authorities are calling a suspected murder-suicide. The incident has sparked a wave of confusion, disbelief, and a sudden uptick in the sale of stress balls at the campus bookstore.
Eyewitnesses report that the two students, identified as Chad “The Chadster” Thompson and his roommate, Greg “The Guy Who Never Does Dishes” Johnson, were last seen arguing over who would take the last slice of pizza. “It was a heated debate,” said fellow student Lisa “I Just Want to Graduate” Smith. “I thought they were just going to settle it with a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, but apparently, things escalated.”
Campus police are still piecing together the events leading up to the tragic incident. “We found a note that said, ‘If I can’t have the pizza, no one can!’” said Officer Bob “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Johnson. “It’s a classic case of ‘pizza rage’ gone too far.”
Friends of the duo are mourning their loss in the most relatable way possible. “I can’t believe they’re gone,” said roommate and pizza enthusiast, Mike “I Only Eat Cold Pizza” Davis. “They were the kind of guys who would order a large pizza and then argue over who got the biggest slice. Now, they’ll never know who really won.”
In a bizarre twist, the university has announced plans to honor the duo with a new scholarship: The “Pizza Lovers’ Memorial Fund.” “We want to ensure that their legacy lives on,” said Dean of Students, Dr. Pepper “I’m Not a Soda” McGee. “Every year, we’ll award a scholarship to a student who can eat an entire pizza in one sitting. It’s what they would have wanted.”
As the campus grapples with this tragic loss, one thing is clear: the only thing more tragic than the incident itself is the realization that the pizza place down the street is now out of business.
