**Three More New Orleans Jail Escapees Captured, Two Still at Large: Officials Report**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a Hollywood screenwriter with a penchant for slapstick comedy, three of the five New Orleans jail escapees have been captured, while two remain at large, presumably plotting their next big heist: a midnight crawfish boil.
The three captured escapees, identified as “Big” Tony LaFleur, who was last seen wearing a tutu and a sombrero, “Slick” Jimmy McGee, who was caught trying to sell stolen beignets on the corner of Bourbon Street, and “The Great” Houdini Johnson, who was apprehended while attempting to escape on a unicycle, are now back in custody.
Sheriff Bob “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Dupree stated, “We’re just glad to have them back. They were causing more chaos than a jazz band at a funeral. I mean, who escapes from jail and then tries to sell pastries? That’s just bad business!”
Meanwhile, the two remaining escapees, known only as “The Phantom” and “The Invisible Man,” are still at large. Local residents are advised to keep an eye out for anyone wearing a trench coat and sunglasses at night. “If you see someone trying to blend in with the shadows, it’s probably them,” said local conspiracy theorist and part-time gumbo chef, “Crazy” Carl.
In a bizarre twist, the escapees reportedly left behind a note that read, “We’ll be back! But first, we need to find the best po’ boy in town.” Authorities are now on high alert, not just for the escapees, but also for any suspicious food trucks.
As the search continues, local businesses are cashing in on the chaos. “We’re offering a ‘Catch the Escapee’ discount,” said the owner of Café du Monde. “If you bring in a captured escapee, you get a free order of beignets. Just don’t ask where they’ve been!”
In the meantime, the city of New Orleans remains on high alert, with residents keeping their eyes peeled for any sign of the two elusive escapees. And if you happen to see a man in a tutu selling beignets, well, you might just want to call the cops. Or join the party. Either way, it’s bound to be a good time!
