**Texas City Residents to Get Earlier Hurricane Evacuation Alerts This Year: “We’re Just Trying to Beat the Traffic!”**
In a groundbreaking move that has residents of Texas City buzzing like a swarm of caffeinated bees, local officials announced that this year’s hurricane evacuation alerts will be sent out earlier than ever before. “We’re just trying to give folks a fighting chance to beat the traffic,” said Mayor Chuck “Hurricane” McBluster, who is known for his uncanny ability to predict the weather based on the number of squirrels he sees in his backyard.
The new alert system, dubbed “Hurricane Haste,” promises to notify residents a full 48 hours before a storm hits, allowing them ample time to pack their bags, grab their pets, and—most importantly—stock up on barbecue supplies. “I can’t evacuate without my brisket!” exclaimed local resident Betty “BBQ Queen” Thompson, who has already started a petition to include a mandatory brisket evacuation kit in every household.
In a shocking twist, the alerts will also feature a new “Hurricane Humor” section, where residents can receive jokes to lighten the mood. “Why did the hurricane break up with its girlfriend? Because she was too high maintenance!” chuckled local comedian and part-time meteorologist, Jimmy “Windy” Johnson.
However, not everyone is thrilled about the early alerts. “I don’t need a reminder to leave my house,” grumbled local curmudgeon Earl “Grumpy” Jenkins. “I’ve been practicing my evacuation skills since 1975. I can pack my life into a pickup truck in under five minutes!”
As Texas City prepares for another hurricane season, residents are left wondering if the early alerts will truly make a difference or if they’ll just end up stuck in traffic, listening to the same country song on repeat. One thing’s for sure: if there’s one thing Texans love more than a good barbecue, it’s a good excuse to leave town—preferably before the storm hits!
