**Texas Braces for Large Hail as Severe Storms Persist in the South: Residents Stock Up on Helmets and Ice Cream**
In a shocking turn of events, Texas is bracing for large hail as severe storms continue to wreak havoc across the South. Meteorologists are predicting hailstones the size of small children, prompting residents to stock up on helmets, ice cream, and, of course, duct tape. “You never know when you’ll need to patch up a roof or a broken heart,” said local resident and self-proclaimed storm chaser, Bubba “Hail Mary” Johnson.
As the storms roll in, Texans are taking no chances. Grocery stores are reporting a 300% increase in sales of ice cream, with one store manager, Linda “Sundae Funday” Thompson, stating, “We’re just trying to keep spirits high while the sky is trying to drop bowling balls on our heads.” Meanwhile, local hardware stores are running low on helmets, with one clerk, who wished to remain anonymous, quipping, “I never thought I’d see the day when helmets would outsell cowboy hats.”
In a bizarre twist, the Texas Department of Weather (TDW) has issued a statement urging residents to “embrace the hail.” “If life gives you hail, make hail-ade!” said TDW spokesperson, Chuck “Stormy” Daniels. “Just remember to wear your helmets and keep your ice cream close. It’s the only way to survive a Texas storm.”
As the storm clouds gather, one thing is clear: Texans are ready to face the hail with a smile, a scoop of ice cream, and a helmet that says, “I survived the Great Hail of 2023.” So, if you hear a loud thud outside, don’t worry—it’s just another hailstone auditioning for a role in the next Texas blockbuster: “Hail No!”
