**Swiss Liberal Megadonor Faces Lawsuit Over Allegations of Groping and Sexual Harassment at Winery**
In a shocking twist that could only happen in the land of chocolate and neutrality, Swiss liberal megadonor Hans “The Grape” Grapenstein is facing a lawsuit over allegations of groping and sexual harassment at his vineyard, “Vino Veritas.” The lawsuit, filed by a group of disgruntled grape pickers, claims that Grapenstein’s “hands-on” approach to winemaking went a bit too far—specifically, into their personal space.
“I thought he was just trying to teach us about the ‘grapevine,’” said one anonymous plaintiff, who requested to be identified only as “Chardonnay Charlie.” “But then he started talking about ‘pressing’ and I realized he meant something entirely different!”
Witnesses report that Grapenstein, known for his extravagant parties where the wine flows like the Rhine, allegedly told one employee, “You can’t spell ‘grape’ without ‘rape’—oh wait, that’s not right!” before attempting to demonstrate the “art of the squeeze” on a barrel of Merlot.
In a statement released from his luxurious Swiss chalet, Grapenstein defended his actions, claiming, “I was just trying to make my wine more ‘hands-on.’ If I can’t touch my grapes, what’s the point of being a vintner?” He then added, “Besides, I thought they were just ‘ripe for the picking!’”
The lawsuit has sparked outrage among local winemakers, with many rallying behind Grapenstein. “This is a witch hunt!” exclaimed fellow vintner and self-proclaimed grape whisperer, Bella Bubbly. “Next, they’ll be saying we can’t even stomp on grapes without a consent form!”
As the case unfolds, one thing is clear: in Switzerland, the only thing more fermented than the wine is the drama. Stay tuned for updates as this juicy story continues to ferment!
