**Surge in Domestic Terrorism Highlighted by Antisemitic Attack on Israeli Diplomats: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation scratching its collective head, a recent antisemitic attack on Israeli diplomats has sparked a surge in domestic terrorism that can only be described as a poorly scripted sitcom. The incident, which took place in a coffee shop that was definitely not a front for international espionage, has led to a flurry of confused reactions from both the public and the perpetrators.
Local resident and self-proclaimed “expert on everything,” Bob “The Brain” McGillicuddy, commented, “I thought we were just supposed to throw shade on social media, not actual rocks! What’s next? Are we going to start protesting with interpretive dance?” His insightful take on the situation has left many wondering if he’s been watching too much reality TV.
Meanwhile, the attackers, who identified themselves as members of the “Society for the Preservation of Bad Ideas,” released a statement that read, “We just wanted to express our feelings, but we didn’t realize throwing bagels would be taken the wrong way. We thought it was a peace offering!”
In a bizarre twist, the Israeli diplomats responded with a heartfelt message of unity, stating, “We appreciate the gesture, but next time, could you please stick to hummus? It’s less messy and way more delicious.”
As the nation grapples with this surge in domestic terrorism, experts are urging everyone to take a step back and consider the real issues at hand—like why no one has yet invented a bagel that doesn’t cause chaos.
In the end, it seems that while the world may be spiraling into absurdity, at least we can all agree on one thing: if you’re going to throw food, make sure it’s something everyone can enjoy—like pizza.
