**Supreme Court Greenlights Utah Oil Railroad Expansion: “Who Needs Trees Anyway?”**
In a landmark decision that has left environmentalists shaking their heads and oil tycoons popping champagne, the Supreme Court has officially approved the expansion of Utah’s oil railroad, while simultaneously modifying environmental laws to ensure that trees are now classified as “optional.”
Justice Clarence Thomas, in a rare moment of levity, quipped, “If we can’t burn fossil fuels, how will we ever keep our marshmallows toasty during camping trips?” This profound insight has sparked a nationwide debate on the importance of s’mores over the health of the planet.
The ruling comes after a heated debate where Chief Justice John Roberts reportedly said, “Look, if we can’t have oil trains, how will we ever get our hands on that sweet, sweet crude? I mean, have you seen the price of gas lately?”
Environmental groups have responded with a collective sigh, while local tree-huggers have taken to social media to express their outrage. “I can’t believe they’re treating trees like they’re just decorative shrubs,” lamented local activist Fern Greenleaf. “Next, they’ll be telling us that air is just a suggestion!”
In a surprising twist, the court also ruled that any tree that stands in the way of an oil train will now be considered a “temporary inconvenience.” “We’re just trying to make America run smoother,” said oil magnate Buck McCrude. “And if that means flattening a few trees, so be it. They were just standing there, looking all green and stuff.”
As the oil trains prepare to roll through Utah, residents are left wondering if they should invest in earplugs or just embrace the sweet sound of progress. After all, who needs clean air when you can have a booming economy?
