**Supreme Court Declares Judges Can No Longer Stop Infrastructure Projects, Environmentalists Left to Cry in Their Organic Kale Salads**
In a landmark decision that has left environmentalists clutching their reusable water bottles in despair, the Supreme Court has officially ruled that judges can no longer halt infrastructure projects due to pesky little things like “environmental issues.” The ruling, which was delivered with a side of fries and a milkshake, has been hailed by construction companies and fast-food chains alike.
Justice Clarence Thomas, who reportedly made the announcement while wearing a hard hat, stated, “We believe that the only thing standing between America and progress is a bunch of tree-huggers with their heads in the clouds. We need roads, bridges, and maybe even a rollercoaster or two. Who cares if a few squirrels have to relocate? They can always move to the suburbs!”
Environmentalists, however, are not taking this news lying down. Greta Thunberg was seen outside the Supreme Court holding a sign that read, “Save the Trees, Not the Concrete!” while sipping on a smoothie made from ethically sourced kale. “This is a dark day for Mother Earth,” she lamented. “But I guess I’ll just have to plant more trees in my backyard. I hear they make great privacy screens!”
Meanwhile, construction mogul Chuck “The Bulldozer” McGee celebrated the ruling by announcing plans for a new mega-mall that will feature a parking lot big enough to hold a small country. “We’re gonna pave paradise and put up a parking lot, baby!” he exclaimed, while high-fiving his team of engineers. “And if a few endangered species get in the way, well, they should’ve thought twice about being endangered!”
As the dust settles on this controversial ruling, one thing is clear: America is ready to build, baby! And if that means sacrificing a few ecosystems along the way, well, that’s just the price of progress. So grab your hard hats and your organic kale salads, folks—it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
