**Supreme Court Declines to Hear Case on Student’s ‘Only Two Genders’ Shirt, Citing ‘More Important’ Issues Like Pizza Toppings**
In a landmark decision that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the Supreme Court announced it will not hear the case of a high school student who wore a shirt proclaiming “There Are Only Two Genders.” The court cited “more pressing matters,” such as the ongoing debate over whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
The student, 17-year-old Chad “The Shirt” Thompson, claimed he was merely exercising his right to free speech. “I just wanted to express my opinion, you know? Plus, I thought it would be a great conversation starter at the lunch table,” he said, while simultaneously trying to convince his friends that wearing socks with sandals is a fashion statement.
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s hologram, who was consulted for her opinion, reportedly said, “I’m all for free speech, but if we’re going to debate gender, can we at least do it over a nice slice of pepperoni?”
Meanwhile, the court’s decision has sparked outrage among various groups. “This is an attack on our rights!” exclaimed local activist and self-proclaimed gender expert, Felicity “Gender Unicorn” McSparkle. “What’s next? Are they going to say there are only two flavors of ice cream? Because I’m pretty sure I saw a lavender-honey swirl at the farmer’s market last week!”
In a surprising twist, the court’s refusal to hear the case has led to a new trend among students. High schoolers across the nation are now donning shirts with increasingly bizarre slogans, including “There Are Only Two Types of People: Those Who Love Cats and Those Who Are Wrong” and “I Identify as a Pizza—Extra Cheese, Please!”
As the nation grapples with the implications of this decision, one thing is clear: the Supreme Court may have dodged a bullet, but it’s still got a lot of toppings to sort out.
