**Study Reveals Health Risks Associated with Marijuana Use and Cannabis Gummies: Experts Warn of “Gummy Bear Overload”**
In a groundbreaking study that has left stoners and snackers alike scratching their heads, researchers at the University of Totally Legitimate Science have revealed alarming health risks associated with marijuana use and its increasingly popular sidekick, cannabis gummies. The study, titled “Gummy Bears: The Silent Killers of the 21st Century,” has sent shockwaves through the snack aisle of every dispensary.
Lead researcher Dr. Mary Jane High, who has been studying the effects of cannabis since the invention of the lava lamp, stated, “We found that while cannabis can enhance your appreciation for pizza, it can also lead to an insatiable craving for gummy bears. It’s a slippery slope, folks. One minute you’re enjoying a chill evening, and the next, you’re knee-deep in a bag of ‘Sour Patch Stoners’ wondering where your dignity went.”
The study also revealed that 87% of participants reported an increased likelihood of confusing their pet goldfish for a snack after consuming cannabis gummies. “I thought I was just really hungry,” said local resident and self-proclaimed gummy enthusiast, Bob “The Muncher” McSnacks. “Turns out, I was just really high. Who knew?”
In a shocking twist, the research team discovered that the combination of THC and gummy bears could lead to “extreme couch-lock,” a condition where individuals become so glued to their sofas that they forget how to stand up. “I haven’t left my couch in three days,” confessed couch potato and part-time philosopher, Dave “The Human Sloth” Slotherson. “But I’ve learned a lot about the existential crisis of my remote control.”
As the study gains traction, health officials are urging gummy enthusiasts to exercise caution. “If you’re going to indulge, maybe stick to regular gummy bears,” advised Dr. High. “At least then, you’ll only be risking a sugar coma instead of a full-blown existential crisis.”
So, the next time you reach for that cannabis gummy, remember: it’s not just a snack; it’s a lifestyle choice. And who knows? You might just end up having a deep conversation with your goldfish about the meaning of life.
