**Steve Sarkisian Cautions Against Undefeated Expectations in Today’s College Football Landscape: “Even My Coffee Has a Losing Record”**
In a shocking press conference that left sports analysts scratching their heads and fans rolling on the floor, Texas Longhorns head coach Steve Sarkisian issued a stern warning against the unrealistic expectations of going undefeated in college football. “Listen, folks,” Sarkisian began, adjusting his oversized cowboy hat, “even my morning coffee has a losing record. It’s a tough world out there!”
Sarkisian’s comments came after a particularly intense week of practice, where he reportedly found himself in a heated debate with his coffee machine over the merits of a perfect brew. “I told it, ‘You can’t just steam milk and expect to win every time!’” he exclaimed, shaking his head. “It’s the same with our team. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re going to spill a little cream on the floor.”
The coach went on to emphasize that the pressure to remain undefeated is akin to expecting a cat to fetch a stick. “Sure, it’s cute when it happens, but let’s be real—most of the time, you’re just going to end up with a confused feline and a broken heart,” he quipped, as his assistant coach, Bob “The Optimist” Johnson, nodded vigorously in agreement.
Sarkisian’s remarks have sparked a wave of support from fellow coaches, including Alabama’s Nick Saban, who chimed in, “I’ve been undefeated in my diet for three days now, and let me tell you, it’s exhausting. I had to hide the cookies in the back of the pantry!”
Meanwhile, fans have taken to social media to express their relief. “Finally, a coach who understands that sometimes you just need to embrace the chaos,” tweeted one Longhorns fan, who goes by the handle @SarkisianSkeptic. “I mean, my fantasy football team hasn’t won since 2019, and I’m still here, living my best life!”
As the Longhorns prepare for their next game, Sarkisian remains optimistic but realistic. “We’re not aiming for perfection,” he said, “just a solid 7-5 and a good excuse to eat nachos on game day. And if we can do that while avoiding any more coffee-related incidents, I’ll consider it a win!”
In a world where undefeated seasons are as rare as a unicorn sighting, Sarkisian’s refreshing take on college football expectations might just be the pep talk we all need—especially if it comes with a side of nachos.
