**Stetson Dominates NC State with 7 Runs in First Inning for 11-2 Victory in Auburn Regional Opener: A Game for the Ages!**
In a shocking turn of events that left fans and players alike questioning their life choices, the Stetson Hatters opened the Auburn Regional with a jaw-dropping 11-2 victory over NC State, scoring a staggering 7 runs in the first inning. It was a performance so dominant that even the Hatters’ mascot, “Hattie the Hat,” was seen shaking his head in disbelief, muttering, “I thought we were just here for the free snacks!”
The game began with NC State’s pitcher, Chuck “The Unfortunate” Thompson, stepping onto the mound with all the confidence of a cat in a dog park. “I thought I was throwing strikes, but apparently, I was just throwing a party for the Hatters,” Thompson lamented after the game, while wearing a party hat that he had found in the dugout.
Stetson’s offense was so explosive that it prompted NC State’s coach, Bob “Why Me?” Jenkins, to consider a career change. “I’m thinking of becoming a professional cat juggler,” he said, “because clearly, I can’t handle this level of chaos on the baseball field.”
The Hatters’ star player, Timmy “The Tornado” Thompson (no relation to Chuck), was on fire, hitting a grand slam that sent the ball soaring into the stands, where it landed directly in the lap of a bewildered grandma who was just trying to enjoy her nachos. “I thought it was a flying saucer,” she exclaimed, “but I guess it’s just a Stetson home run!”
As the game progressed, NC State’s fans began to lose hope, with one particularly distraught supporter declaring, “I came here for a baseball game, not a comedy show!” Meanwhile, Stetson’s fans celebrated with a conga line that snaked through the bleachers, chanting, “Seven runs, seven runs, we’re just getting started!”
In the end, the Hatters walked away with an 11-2 victory, leaving NC State to ponder their life choices and consider a new strategy for their next game: “Maybe we should just bring a piñata and hope for the best,” Jenkins suggested.
As for Stetson, they’re already planning their next move, which includes a celebratory dance-off and a potential collaboration with Hattie the Hat for a new line of party hats. Because if there’s one thing we learned from this game, it’s that when life gives you lemons, you hit home runs and throw a party!
