**State Department Increases Scrutiny of Harvard-Linked Visa Holders: The Ivy League Conspiracy Unveiled!**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the academic world reeling, the State Department has announced it will increase scrutiny of visa holders linked to Harvard University. Officials claim they are simply trying to prevent “intellectual espionage” and “overly sophisticated coffee brewing techniques” from infiltrating the United States.
“Let’s face it,” said State Department spokesperson, Chuck “The Scholar” McGuffin. “We can’t have a bunch of foreign students coming here, sipping artisanal lattes while plotting to outsmart our national security. I mean, have you seen their thesis topics? They’re practically spy novels!”
The new policy, dubbed “Operation Crimson Watch,” aims to monitor visa holders who have taken courses in “Advanced Theoretical Cramming” and “How to Write a 300-Page Thesis in One Night.” The State Department is particularly concerned about students from countries known for their academic prowess, like Canada and Sweden. “We can’t let them bring their ‘A’ game here,” McGuffin added, adjusting his oversized glasses.
In a bizarre twist, the scrutiny has led to the creation of a new “Harvard Visa Watchlist,” which includes names like “Samantha ‘The Brainiac’ Thompson” and “Raj ‘The Overachiever’ Patel.” When asked for comment, Thompson said, “I just wanted to study sociology, not become a national security threat! I swear, my only plot is to get an ‘A’ in my class!”
Meanwhile, Harvard officials are reportedly scrambling to reassure students. “We’re not breeding spies,” said Dean of Students, Dr. Ivy League. “We’re just nurturing future leaders… who may or may not have a side hustle in espionage.”
As the scrutiny intensifies, students are advised to keep their coffee consumption to a minimum and avoid discussing their thesis topics in public. After all, who knew that a degree from Harvard could come with a side of international intrigue?
