**State Department Announces Reorganization Plan with Significant Program and Staff Reductions: “We’re Just Trying to Keep It Lean and Mean!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left diplomats scratching their heads and wondering if they should start looking for jobs at the local coffee shop, the State Department has unveiled a reorganization plan that promises to cut programs and staff faster than you can say “international relations.”
Secretary of State Bluster McDiplomat announced the plan at a press conference held in a dimly lit basement, where he was flanked by cardboard cutouts of former Secretaries of State. “We’re not just trimming the fat; we’re going full-on keto!” McDiplomat declared, while nervously eyeing a half-eaten donut on the podium. “We’re going to streamline operations so much that we’ll be able to fit our entire department into a single conference room—if we can find one that’s not booked for a yoga class.”
Sources close to the department revealed that the plan includes cutting the “Department of Unnecessary Meetings” and the “Bureau of Awkward Small Talk.” “Honestly, we were just trying to figure out how to make ‘How’s the weather?’ sound more diplomatic,” said Undersecretary for Small Talk, Jane Doe. “Now I guess I’ll just have to take my talents to TikTok.”
In a bold move, the State Department will also be replacing traditional diplomatic cables with carrier pigeons, citing “environmental concerns” and “the need for a more personal touch.” “Nothing says ‘I care’ like a pigeon delivering your message,” McDiplomat quipped, as he released a flock of pigeons into the air, only to have them promptly fly into a nearby tree.
Critics of the plan have voiced concerns that the cuts could lead to a significant decline in America’s global influence. “What’s next? Are we going to start sending our ambassadors via Uber?” asked international relations expert Dr. Ima Joking. “I mean, I love a good ride-share, but I’m not sure it’s the best way to negotiate peace treaties.”
As the dust settles on this ambitious reorganization, one thing is clear: the State Department is ready to embrace a new era of diplomacy—one where fewer people means more room for creativity, and possibly a few more pigeons.
