**Squad Members Denounce Antisemitic Attack in Boulder Amid Ongoing Controversy: “We’re Just Here for the Snacks!”**
In a shocking turn of events, members of the Squad have taken a break from their usual Twitter battles to denounce an antisemitic attack in Boulder, Colorado. The incident, which involved a rogue bagel shop owner throwing cream cheese at unsuspecting customers, has left the community reeling and the Squad members scratching their heads—mostly because they were trying to figure out how to pronounce “Boulder.”
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, known for her fierce advocacy and love of avocado toast, stated, “This is not just a bagel problem; it’s a societal issue. We need to spread love, not cream cheese!” Meanwhile, Rep. Ilhan Omar added, “I thought Boulder was just a place for yoga and overpriced kombucha. Who knew it was also a hotbed for dairy-related hate crimes?”
The Squad’s official statement, released via a TikTok dance video, emphasized the importance of unity. “We stand together against all forms of hate, except for when it comes to pineapple on pizza. That’s just wrong,” said Rep. Rashida Tlaib, who was busy trying to convince her cat to join the protest.
In a bizarre twist, Rep. Ayanna Pressley suggested that the best way to combat hate is through a bake sale. “Nothing brings people together like cookies,” she declared, while accidentally setting off a fire alarm in her office kitchen.
As the Squad continues to navigate the complexities of social justice and snack preferences, one thing is clear: they’re ready to tackle antisemitism one gluten-free cookie at a time. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll just blame it on the gluten.
