**South Carolina Inmate Opts for Lethal Injection Amid Firing Squad Debate: “I Just Can’t with the Bullets”**
In a shocking twist that has left both legal experts and casual observers scratching their heads, South Carolina inmate Billy “Bulletproof” Jenkins has opted for lethal injection over the newly proposed firing squad option. “I just can’t with the bullets,” Jenkins reportedly said while sipping a lukewarm cup of prison coffee. “I mean, have you seen the state of the aim around here? I’d rather take my chances with a needle than risk a stray bullet from some guy named ‘Shooting Star’.”
The debate over execution methods has heated up in South Carolina, with lawmakers arguing that firing squads are a more humane option. “It’s like a team-building exercise, but with more death,” said State Senator Chuck “The Marksman” McGraw. “We’re just trying to give inmates a little more variety in their final moments. Who wouldn’t want to go out with a bang?”
However, Jenkins isn’t buying it. “Look, I’ve seen enough action movies to know that firing squads are just a recipe for disaster. One guy’s gonna miss, and then it’s just awkward. I’d rather have a clean exit, thank you very much.”
In a bizarre twist, Jenkins has also suggested a new execution method: “How about a karaoke contest? If I can hit the high notes, I get to live. If not, well, at least I’ll go out singing ‘I Will Survive.’”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: in South Carolina, even death row is a stage for comedy. “We’re just trying to keep it light,” said Warden Linda “Laughs-a-Lot” Thompson. “After all, if you can’t laugh at death, what can you laugh at?”
So, as Jenkins prepares for his lethal injection, he’s taking it all in stride. “At least I won’t have to worry about my hair getting messed up,” he quipped. “I’m going out looking fabulous!”
