Los Angeles — In a move that has left both fitness enthusiasts and couch potatoes scratching their heads, hip-hop icon and professional chillaxer Snoop Dogg has announced the launch of his very own fitness app, Doggedly Staying Lazy. The app promises to revolutionize the fitness industry by combining rigorous “do nothing” workouts with the profound wisdom of Snoop himself.
New Fitness App, Doggedly Staying Lazy
Snoop, known for his laid-back lifestyle and culinary expertise (see everything he’s ever cooked with Martha Stewart), says the app is a celebration of the “art of relaxation,” a concept he claims has been vastly underappreciated in a world obsessed with squats, salads, and actual exercise.
“It’s all about keeping it chill,” Snoop said while reclining on a velvet chaise lounge in his backyard, sipping what appeared to be a very fancy beverage. “The key to a long, successful life is knowing when to put your feet up and, like, not do much of anything, you know? We need to stop glorifying sweat and start glorifying naps.”
The app, which is available for download on all devices, offers a wide variety of features designed to make users feel like they’re working out, even though they aren’t. The “Marathon Nap” feature guides users through an hour-long nap session, complete with calming beats and motivational whispers from Snoop himself. “You’re doing great,” his voice purrs in a soothing tone. “Just one more hour of deep relaxation. You deserve it, fam.”
Institute of Couch Potato Science (ICPS)
For those who prefer a bit more engagement, the app also offers a series of “Low-Impact Workouts,” including the Couch Potato Squat (squatting down to pick up the remote, then immediately sitting back down), the Fridge Sprint (a quick dash to the kitchen for snacks, followed by a guilt-induced return to the couch), and the Horizontal Stretch (reaching for the last chip bag without leaving the prone position).
“I used to run five miles a day, now I just walk to the kitchen to grab my snacks,” said Snoop, reflecting on his own fitness journey. “And I’m in better shape than ever, just mentally. I’m at peace, you know?”
Early reviews of the app have been, unsurprisingly, glowing. One user wrote, “I’ve never felt so energized after doing absolutely nothing. Snoop’s wisdom is unmatched. My Fitbit even congratulated me for taking a nap!”
Another user, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being judged by their gym-going friends, said, “I’ve lost 20 pounds in two weeks… from laughing so hard at how lazy I’ve become. Also, the app is super comfy. 10/10 would not lift anything again.”
Despite its unconventional approach, Doggedly Staying Lazy has become an instant hit among those who believe that fitness should be about more than just grueling workouts. Instead, it’s about embracing the “art of minimal effort” and learning to appreciate the finer things in life, like potato chips and a well-placed blanket.
Snoop, however, isn’t done yet. He plans to launch a spin-off app soon called High on Life… And Snacks, where users can enjoy guided snack breaks, stoner wisdom, and, of course, Snoop’s favorite pastime—napping.
“It’s not about how much you do,” Snoop said with a grin, “it’s about how little you do, and still manage to look cool while doing it.”
And with that, the fitness world may never be the same again. Just as long as you don’t break a sweat.
