**Security Failures at New Orleans Jail Led to Multiple Escapes, Says Ex-Warden: “We Thought They Were Just on a Field Trip!”**
In a shocking revelation that has left the city of New Orleans scratching its collective head, former warden Chuck “The Escape Artist” McGee has come forward to discuss the recent spate of jailbreaks at the Orleans Justice Center. “Honestly, we thought they were just going out for a little fresh air,” McGee quipped, sipping a mint julep on his porch. “I mean, who doesn’t want to stretch their legs after a long sentence?”
According to McGee, the jail’s security measures were so lax that even a toddler with a paperclip could have orchestrated a successful escape. “We had a sign that said ‘No Escape’ on the front door, but apparently, that was just a suggestion,” he added, chuckling. “I mean, it’s New Orleans! We thought they were just going to grab beignets and come back!”
Reports indicate that the escapees utilized a variety of creative methods, including a makeshift catapult fashioned from old bedsheets and a daring diversion involving a karaoke night that had the guards singing “I Will Survive” at the top of their lungs. “We were so busy belting out Gloria Gaynor that we didn’t even notice the inmates were doing the cha-cha out the back door,” said Officer Linda “The Karaoke Queen” Johnson.
Local residents have expressed mixed feelings about the escapes. “On one hand, I’m worried about public safety,” said local bar owner and part-time philosopher, Dave “The Deep Thinker” Thompson. “On the other hand, I hear they’re throwing a block party to celebrate their freedom. I might just go!”
As for McGee, he’s now considering a career in motivational speaking. “If I can teach people how to escape their problems—like I did with my job—I think I’ll be onto something big!” he declared, raising his glass in a toast to freedom, beignets, and questionable security protocols.
In the meantime, the Orleans Justice Center is reportedly looking into hiring a new security team, preferably one that doesn’t confuse “escape” with “field trip.”
