**Russian Captain Pleads Not Guilty to Manslaughter in North Sea Collision, Claims “It Was Just a Game of Maritime Chicken”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the maritime world scratching its collective head, Captain Boris “The Wave” Ivanov, a Russian seafarer with a penchant for dramatic nautical maneuvers, has pleaded not guilty to manslaughter charges stemming from a collision in the North Sea. The incident, which involved his vessel, the SS “Oopsie Daisy,” and a British cargo ship, has been described by witnesses as “the worst game of bumper boats ever.”
The trial, set to commence in January, promises to be a spectacle of epic proportions. “I thought we were just playing a game of maritime chicken!” Ivanov exclaimed in a press conference, while wearing a captain’s hat and a life jacket. “I mean, who doesn’t love a good game? It’s like chess, but with more water and fewer rules!”
Eyewitnesses reported that the SS “Oopsie Daisy” was seen zigzagging through the waves, with Ivanov shouting, “I’m invincible!” before the fateful crash. “It was like watching a toddler on a tricycle trying to race a freight train,” said local fisherman Dave “The Fish Whisperer” Thompson. “I knew something bad was going to happen, but I didn’t think it would be this entertaining!”
In his defense, Ivanov’s lawyer, Svetlana “The Sea Serpent” Petrov, argued that the collision was merely a “misunderstanding.” “My client thought he was in a reality show called ‘Survivor: North Sea Edition,’” she stated, while flipping through a stack of nautical-themed memes. “He was just trying to create some drama for the cameras!”
As the trial approaches, Ivanov has reportedly been preparing by binge-watching maritime disaster movies and practicing his best “I’m innocent” face in the mirror. “I’m ready for my close-up,” he declared, adjusting his captain’s hat. “If I’m going down, I’m going down with style!”
With the world watching, one thing is for sure: this trial is bound to be more entertaining than a barrel of fish in a comedy club. Stay tuned for updates as Captain Ivanov navigates the choppy waters of justice—hopefully without any more collisions!
