**Rubio Leads Major State Department Overhaul to Consolidate and Eliminate Over 300 Offices: “Less is More, Unless It’s Pizza”**
In a bold move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and pizza delivery drivers cheering, Senator Marco Rubio has announced a sweeping overhaul of the State Department, aiming to consolidate and eliminate over 300 offices. “Why do we need 300 offices when we can just have one really big one with a lot of bean bags?” Rubio quipped during a press conference, while simultaneously trying to balance a slice of pepperoni on his head.
The senator’s plan, dubbed “Operation Office Space,” aims to streamline operations by merging departments like “Bureau of Unnecessary Paperwork” and “Department of Things We Forgot We Had.” “We’re going to save so much money, we might even be able to afford a new coffee machine for the break room,” Rubio added, as he gestured wildly, accidentally knocking over a potted plant that was definitely not part of the budget.
Critics have raised eyebrows, with one anonymous State Department employee, who goes by the name “Bob the Bureaucrat,” stating, “I’m all for efficiency, but if we eliminate the Office of Lost Socks, how will I ever find my favorite pair again?” Meanwhile, a spokesperson for the Department of Redundancy Department expressed concern, saying, “We’re not sure how we feel about this. We’re still processing it.”
In a surprising twist, Rubio has also proposed a new initiative called “Office Olympics,” where employees can compete in events like “Stapler Toss” and “Chair Racing.” “It’s all about team building,” he explained, “and if we can’t build a team, at least we can build a really cool obstacle course.”
As the dust settles on this ambitious plan, one thing is clear: the State Department may be losing offices, but it’s gaining a whole lot of laughs. And if nothing else, Rubio’s vision for a more efficient government is sure to keep us entertained—at least until the next pizza delivery arrives.
